Thursday, July 19, 2007

Empress on the Mount


If it's Thursday, it must be time for questionable advice from our favorite saucy Aussie.

If you like what you see here, Visit Lady Jaided magazine for more pearls of her wisdom. And please feel free to ask your own question here. The Empress adores dispensing glib, pithy solutions to your deepest, darkest problems.

Dear Empress: I am able to climax just from having my toes sucked. Am I normal?
Shoeless in Seattle.

Normal? Who the hell knows. Bloody lucky? Absolutely. As the likelihood of the average male ever a) knowing the clitoris exists, b) where to find it and c) what to do when he gets there, is beyond remote, I’d say you’ve hit the jackpot.

Ms. Bigshot Advice Lady: My girlfriend is frigid. Bitch just doesn’t seem to like sex. Should I dump her or just ignore the ways she lies there staring at the ceiling like a limp rag doll and enjoy myself?
Hot Stud

A hint…if your girlfriend is limp, you obviously need to buy a new blow-up doll.

5 comments:

Jaid Black said...

*snort*

Gis, you rock lol

MARCIA said...

I AGREE SHE IS A VERY LUCKY WOMAN! IF ONLY THE REST OF US WERE LIKE THAT. OR AT LEAST ME!

Anonymous said...

I do not suck toes. What if she has toe jam? nasty!

Dave

Jaid Black said...

Dave, I'm with you, bro. I wouldn't suck my own let alone somebody else's. Ick!

The Empress said...

Jaid, your toes and mouth will never meet because of a geographical wonder known as The Twin Titties.

Dave, while I appreciate your concern about cleanliness, take it from a woman that there are much ickier things than toes that can go in one's mouth.

And let's face it ladies, wouldn't it be easier to be a furtive sucker, rather than having to hide certain toys when your mum came to visit.