Friday, July 20, 2007

Just when you think you know it all ....


So, you think you know all there is to know about the penis? So did I... until I read this from Men Are Pigs But We Love Bacon by Michael Alvear:

1. Only 6 percent of the male population needs extra-large rubbers, according to condom manufacturers. In other words, 94 percent of men lie.

2. The study most trusted by urologists shows that the average erect penis size is 5.1 inches long and 4.8 inches in girth. Unless you're in a chat room. Then double it.

3. About 80 percent of American men are circumcised, even though the American Academy of Pediatrics says it's not medically necessary.No word on why men insist on cutting something they're always exaggerating about.

4. Men really do get "blue-balls." Technically called "prostatic congestion," the achiness in the testicles is caused by "trapped" blood. You know that crap he lays on you about orgasms being the only way to relieve it? He's right. But not so fast, trampolina. So is your doctor -- the one who says a warm shower or aspirinwill also do the trick.

5. Penises are generally darker in color than the bodies they hang from. Why? It's part of the sexual maturation process, but it's also because during puberty nature introduces men to a special friend: their right hand.As Mr. Nice to Meet You Too, You Can Let Go Now will tell anybody who'll listen, your skin would darken too if you were manhandled that often.

6. There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size or nose size. And the bad news is even worse for gold-digging nymphos: There's no correlation between penis size and wallet size.

7. Masturbation, or "punching the monkey," is healthy. No, really. "Use it or lose it" isn't just an excuse for a guy's hands to migrate south; it's the official tested and studied conclusion of sex experts. The less a guy uses his sexual plumbing, the more problems he'll have pumping the well later on. It's only at Thanksgiving that you should tell your man, "Don't play with your meat."

8. Men will go limp if they drink too much. But how much is too much? About three and a half drinks for a 150-pound man. After that, the only thing standing upright in your house will be the vacuum cleaner.

9. All men have a line going down their penis and over their testicles. And no, it's not the chow line. It's more a "seam" on the underside of the penis. It forms when the fetus is in the uterus. In women, the seam becomes the inner lips of the vagina. In men, the seam encloses the urethra along the length of the penis.

10. Nothing can make a penis bigger -- except aging. Unfortunately, the size of the prize stops growing by the time men hit their early 20s.

17 comments:

Jaid Black said...

The average length is 5.1 inches?? That's shorter than I would have guessed. I must have been lucky in life lol ;-)

Ciana Stone said...

Kind of makes me wondered who did the measuring to come up with the average.

And hey, hey, isn't it nice to be one of the lucky gals who've found the better than average?

aromagik said...

Whaaa??? There's text on this blog entry?

*wipes drool*

~Lindy

Ciana Stone said...

LMAO Lindy!!

anny cook said...

I find it interesting that with ten items on the list, the only one under discussion is the one about length. Number 2, I think? What about number 7? Any thoughts on that?

aromagik said...

I mentioned #7 to my husband, and he said, "OK then, I'll be back in a few minutes." He was also intrigued (as was I) by #5. Heh.

~Lindy

Cara Carnes said...

Hmm...Can I borrow that model from the pic to test all of these on?

I promise it's strictly for scientific purposes:)

Cara Carnes said...

Hmm..Can I borrow the model from that pic to test these statements with?

I promise it's strictly for scientific purposes:)

Sandra said...

Took me a while to read the text, eyes kept straying.

Number 5 makes me wonder about the darker penises on lighter colored men.

I have to say that I have caused the hubby to get number 4 on purpose. What's a girl to do when she just can't resist a little teasing before the hubby leaves for work?

MARCIA said...

I THOUGHT THE FIRST ONE WAS THE FUNNIEST. GOOD POST!

Anonymous said...

I must be one of the lucky 6%

Dave the stud LOL

Jaid Black said...

Ciana, you make a good point: just who IS doing all this alleged measuring? The things that make you go hmmm!

Jaid Black said...

Of course you are, Dave lol *g*

Carrie said...

An ex of mine really did need extra large condoms. He made sure to tell the whole room during a Bobcat Goldthwait comedy show about it, too, when Bobcat did a bit about it. *blushes*

Anonymous said...

A careful scientific study done 15 years ago found that 80/65/55 percent of Anglo/Afro-American/Latino men in the USA are circumcised.

In 2003, 55% of baby boys exited the maternity ward sans foreskin. The number of boys later cut in a pediatrician's office is not known.

Keith said...

Since it only take about 3 inches of penetration to stimulate the g-spot, all those 5.1 inch guys can relax. Read the article at
http://producemoresemen.net/penis-enlargement/gspot.html

Lady Jaided said...

Thanks, Keith! I love having men comment.