Sunday, August 12, 2007

Can You Hear Me Now?

While the majority of the Quiminologists are roaming the world looking for items of interest and drinking their way through a well-deserved vacation, our Chief Quiminologist was attempting to program her new cellphone. And in the process stumbled over something interesting.

"Words you can't say on the airwaves". (The airwaves of her provider, anyway, who shall remain nameless since nobody wants to get sued.)

Yes, there is a list...and here's some of the words we recognized right off the bat.
Bitch, clit, cornhole, cum, cunt, dildo, fuck, hairpie, muffdiver, poontang, pubic, pussy, twat, vagina - and so on. We assume this means you can't set your voicemail response to read: "Sorry, this bitch is busy at the moment, shoving my dildo up my twat and fucking it 'til I cum. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and I'll get back to you."

Understandable, since hearing that would probably cause a few raised eyebrows when mothers call to remind their daughters about dinner on Tuesday. However, we also ran into some that -- well, puzzled us. For example... fleshflute. Yes, really. Mozart probably had a chuckle at that one. Also fleshpopsicle. (Obviously an Alaskan winter term.) And the winner? Whiteswallow. We thought that was something that migrated to the Caribbean for the winter months.

So, ornithologists of the world, take note. Do NOT leave anything pertaining to your birding activities on your cell phone. If you are "Out pursuing the elusive whiteswallow in Poontang Province", you'll get nabbed by the FCC!!! Language is fluid and constantly changing. One has to wonder if "Quim" would pass the wireless censors...


Susan Edwards said...

I'd love to have seen the meeting where they came up with that list. Can you imagine a bunch of twenty and thirtysomethings dutifully sitting around the conference table with their boss:
Boss: "Britney, what did you come up with?"
"What about beef jacket, sir?"
Jason: "Naw, I think Burger King has a new sandwich with that name. But I definitely think we ought to block anyone who uses dick holster, fun tunnel, or knob job and turn their names over to homeland security."
Boss: "Absolutely, they could be a threat to our moral standards. And while we're at it, we need to include willy washer and munch box."
Max: "I'm hungry. What do you say we call out for some fish tacos?"

Sahara Kelly said...

LMAO. Yeah, you gotta wonder where some of these company profits go. I wouldn't mind drawing a paycheck for hosting that kind of meeting!!! Maybe there was a powerpoint presentation to go along with it. The mind boggles, huh?

Susan Edwards said...

Now that you mention it, they should have at least hired a quiminologist as a consultant to conduct those meetings and issue a report.

Syneca said...

Dang ya'll, now I've got this great itch to create a new message for my voice mail ... hey there. I'm busy practicing on the fleshflute right now, but if you'll leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as I cum."

Only I sure hate for auntie Pauline to hear that during her monthly call. Poor woman hasn't had sex since 1969. She's liable to have a cornhole blowout.

Ashlyn Chase said...

LOL! I would LOVE to leave a message like that! I ignore anything that says Private number or Caller unknown. If they don't leave a message, they don't know me. If it's an agent, they don't know what it's like to live in NH during primary pollster time!

I'll never forget the RWA meeting where the prez had to talk about the postal guidelines and recite all the words that can't appear on the outside of the RWA magazine. She turned red and begged not to have to say it again. LOL!