Tuesday, June 10, 2008

ABCs of Intimacy

Be honest. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think about having sex every night for a year? (besides a sore cooter, I mean) One couple tried it and the wife, Charla Muller, wrote a book about it called, descriptively enough, 365 Nights. It all started as a 40th birthday gift to her husband and ended up, she says, restoring intimacy to their marriage. A recent New York Times article reports on this and another book, called Just Do It, by Doug Brown, who persuaded his wife to have sex every day for 101 days. Brown's book sounds a bit more entertaining and the couple was more imaginative about bringing in some variety, but basically, his conclusion was the same. More sex equals more intimacy.
I hate to be a wet blanket, but I can't help wondering if either couple had just committed to spending an hour every day being together and focusing on each other without the television, phone, kids or any of the other distractions they shut out to have sex, they might not have found the same outcome. Of course, that would not have sounded like a birthday present to Charla's husband, and Doug Brown likely wouldn't have had to persuade his wife to do that. And neither book would have gotten the media coverage it has.


Selena Blake said...

The first thing that comes to mind? Definitely a sore coochy.

The second is who's the lucky guy? ;)

Seriously though, I love sex as much as the next girl, but 365 days seems like a chore.

I don't think sex is the only way to get intimacy in a relationship. But on the other hand, most men wouldn't understand intimacy (without sex) if you hit them in the head with it.

And am I the only one who thinks that flirting doesn't always have to lead to sex? Why can't flirting just be flirting? *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Amen, Selena. I agree that it would be nice if flirting didn't always have to lead to sex. Ditto for kissing, hugging, even a dinner date. That's kind of what bugged me about both of these books, at least the way they're being sold and reported on. They both seemed to be about building intimacy solely on the man's terms, which, let's face it, means goal-oriented sex, i.e. his orgasm.

Flick said...

Oh for crying out loud. How do I get this book off the shelves. If my husband sees it I know what he's going to want for his birthday. The fact that I got a duct tape dispenser for mine is beside the point.

Anny Cook said...

Heh. You mean that some people don't do "it" everyday? My husband seems to think that's normal...

Not too sure about the increased physical intimacy. But you're spending some time together every day that's all alone. No kids, neighbors, parents, TV, or computer. What you do with that time is likely more important than the end result.

angela146 said...

I have to echo Anny on this one...

Hubby and I don't necessarily have intercourse absolutely every day but we do have sex in some form pretty much every day.

Even when I'm out of town on business, we usually set aside a time to either have phone-sex or to masturbate at the same time, knowing that we're both doing it.

Perhaps it's an age-related thing. We're in our mid thirties. Perhaps it's the fact that we don't have children.

Either way, I feel sorry for couples who don't have frequent sex with each other.