Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Passion for Food

The Maid of Honor’s Toast
By Hot Mama

I hate waking up in strange places. Especially gritty ones. This one was, by the looks of it, a sand trap. So many questions leapt to mind as I opened one eye and ran a dry tongue over the parched landscape of my mouth: How did I get here? When did I learn to play golf? Where are my shoes? What’s for lunch?

I stood up just in time to hear someone shout “Fore!” and dove back into the sand. The ball whizzed past my head, missing it by inches.

Maybe the impact jarred my memory. Or maybe it was the feel of the cool sand against my stomach. My bare stomach—and legs …

Uh oh.

Suddenly the memory of last night’s little bachelorette shebang flashed before my eyes. Patsy Rose’s last night as a single cowgirl. A bunch of us doing shots of tequila in the back of her pickup truck and singing Amy Winehouse songs. It didn’t seem sporting to just leer at the handsome stripper we hired while he peeled off his cop costume, so we all played a game of strip golf with croquet mallets on the public course down the street.

Now here I was, in bra and panties, waving off the apologies of an elderly golfer who was either nearly blind or too polite to acknowledge what I wasn’t wearing. A glance at his watch told me I had an hour to shower, put on my maid of honor dress and get to the church.

I needed a major morning-after antidote. I needed a:

Seriously Bloody Mary
2 ½ oz. tomato juice
Juice of ¼ lime
Dash of Crystal Hot Sauce
Dash of Worchestershire sauce
1 ½ oz. vodka

Shake with ice and serve in a tall glass with a fresh, crunchy stalk of celery—or large green olives speared with a cocktail pick.
Drink two before you even think about looking in the mirror.

1 comment:

Oberon said...

......sometimes.....i talk to're hot.