Monday, September 29, 2008

Resist the Thought Police

It's time once again to celebrate banned books, my lovelies. You owe it to yourself and to freedom of thought to read something that someone doesn't want you to this week. It doesn't have to be dull, though. Seven of the 10 most challenged books of 2007 were challenged at least partly because of sexually explicit content, not counting "And Tango Makes Three," which was challenged as anti-family for its portrayal of--gasp!--two male penguins caring for an egg together. "Tango" was also one of two books, along with "The Golden Compass," challenged for their "religious viewpoint." We had no idea penguins were so subversive.

The American Library Association Office of Intellectual Freedom annually reports challenges, which are defined as formal written complaints to a library or school requesting that a book be removed because of content or appropriateness. OIF Director Judith Krug states, “Free access to information is a core American value that should be protected. Not every book is right for each reader, but an individual’s interpretation of a book should not take away my right to select reading materials for my family or myself."

Amen. Go to the office's website for a list of banned books and more info about Banned Books week.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Score One For The Taints


We know some men like to name their dicks and lots of men seem to think with them, but a group of young Ohio men has taken penile anthropomorphics to a whole new level. Meet the new mascot of a fantasy football team called The Taints. In case you travel in classier circles than we do and don't know what a taint is, it's the perineum, that bit of skin between the genitals and the anus. (as in 'taint pussy, 'taint ass) There's no word on what they named this fellow but he looks an awful lot like Ernest Borgnine to us, so we'll call him Ernie for now. We have a feeling we'll be seeing more of him in the future.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Hot Mama

There are lots of ways to tell what kind of lover a man will be before you find yourself faced with having to climb out his bathroom window after Mr. Hunk in the bar turns out to be Mr. Clunky in the sack.

Everyone knows you can tell a lot from the way a man kisses. But once a man gets to first base, he already has expectations, putting you in a potentially sticky situation. The earlier you know his sexual IQ, the less time you’ll waste and the fewer sneaky retreats you’ll have to engineer.

Certain places present opportunities to glean the information you need. Hot Mama often shops for carnal companionship at the grocery store, where she can see what a man likes to eat and how he squeezes the melons and sniffs the cheeses.

Oyster bars are also good spots to size up a catch before casting your net. All you have to do is sit and watch to see who passes the oyster test, then pick the one you like best. The oyster test is really quite simple. If a man eats an oyster with gusto, chances are, he’ll be an enthusiastic cunnilinguist, though it doesn’t necessarily attest to his skill.

But one of Hot Mama's favorite places to gauge a man’s sexual prowess is on the dance floor. Dancing is like making love with your clothes on. And Latin dancing is the most seductive of all. The drama and passion of the tango, the sensual rhythms of marimba and meringue, the delicious tease of salsa and cha cha cha get the blood going like nothing else.

That’s why when Hot Mama wants a really sensual lover, someone to seduce her with finesse and fire, she goes to her favorite Latin dance club. It also happens to serve a delicious chicken dish you won’t find anywhere else. It’s sweet and savory and thoroughly delicious with yellow rice, though she often serves it with quinoa and pineapple. It’s also incredibly easy to make.

Tango Thighs

3 pounds of skinless chicken thighs
2 teaspoons cinnamon
¼ cup honey
¼ cup chicken broth
½ cup sherry
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1-2 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper to taste

Arrange chicken in baking dish and sprinkle with cinnamon.

Combine remaining ingredients in a bowl and pour over chicken, keeping back 2 tablespoons of lime juice. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 3 hours, turning pieces every half hour.

Preheat oven to 375°F and bake 1 hour, basting frequently with pan juices. Sprinkle with remaining lime juice before serving.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun


By Syneca Featherstone

Sometimes we all take this sex stuff way too seriously. Sure, it's an intense thing ... breath-taking, mind-blowing, toe-curling and all that.

But sometimes it's just plain fun. And let's face it, giggling and laughing is right up there at the top of the list of stress-relievers, so if you can combine it with sex? Well heck, I'd call that the best medicine of all for what ails you.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Going Rate for a Virgin


The blogs are buzzing about the 22-year-old who's auctioning off her virginity to pay for graduate school--interestingly she's reportedly seeking a masters degree in marriage and family therapy. Her undergraduate degree is allegedly in women's studies. No reliable source has yet bothered to independently confirm her identity or educational status--or even the authenticity of her claims to being a virgin. In fact, the whole thing has a whiff of hoax about it. I wouldn't be surprised to see her on some reality show next or with a spread in Playboy.

She has taken on the pseudonym Natalie Dylan, she says, for safety reasons, and she hopes to raise a million dollars. It sounds high but if we're talking the law of supply and demand, virginity is pretty rare in an attractive 22-year-old. As one person said on a private loop in response to another's comment that she wished she had thought of the idea when she was in college: "Um, I think most of us would had to have thought of it before college, when we still had something to sell."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tempting Transgressions


Pecattiphilia: Sexual excitement from stealing or sinning

News Flash: Sin is sexy. Probably has something to do with the belief that sex is sinful The more taboo you make it, the more compelling it is. If I had known about this fetish in junior high, I would have thought of it as the Catholic School Girl and Preacher’s Kid Fetish. Those were the two groups in my neighborhood who seemed to get off the most on sinning, who were the most creative in coming up with ways to sin and the most energetic in pursuing its pleasures. When Wynona Ryder got busted for shoplifting, people wondered why such a rich, famous person would so such a thing. Maybe she’s a pecattiphiliac.

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Quiminology Files


THE OVAL OFFICE

Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid notwithstanding, it looks like it’s still gonna be a while before a woman occupies the real Oval Office, so we’ll have to try to find comfort in the smaller oval office—the only one we do completely control access to. Our ultimate power base, if you will. We aren’t crazy about the idea of a man thinking of our vadge as the oval office, though. Calls forth images of a lying, bossy asshole who acts like he owns a place when he is really just a temporary occupant.
For more quiminology gems and other profound sexual insights, visit Lady Jaided ezine.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008