Thursday, January 31, 2008

Choreplay's word of the day a couple of days ago was "choreplay," an acerbic twist on "foreplay" in which a woman is turned on by the sight of her lover doing household chores. Oh, baby, mop my floor, scrub it hard! ohhhh, ooooo, ahhhh, missed a the left a bit, oh yeah...right there....mmmmmm!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Fear Not the F-Word

A recent study by Rutgers University's Julie Rudman has knocked some femiphobes on their pasty, oxycodone-loving asses. Rudman's study concluded that, contrary to the ranting of some misogynists, feminists are more likely to be in a romantic relationship with a man and to make better partners overall than their less egaliatarian-minded peers. And those relationships are more likely to be stable and sexually satisfying for both partners. Rudman started her research because she feared that progress toward achieving gender equality could be undermined by notions among college students (male and female) that feminist women are unattractive to men, so she did have a preferred outcome. Even though we like her findings, we have to admit they might have been affected by her bias. But come on, sisters, can we at least agree among ourselves that working for equal rights, equal pay and equal treatment does not make us hairy-chested, man-hating feminazis?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

True Confessions

As you might imagine, conversations among editors of erotic books can get pretty frank--and fascinating. Ellora's Cave editors (of whom I am one) were recently discussing on our private loop whether a woman can judge penis length without a ruler and whether most women really have an assortment of lubes, sex toys (especially butt plugs) in their nightstand for handy access as so many EC heroines seem to do.
Of course, the best evidence is anecdotal, so the discussion came down to stories about our own and our friends' habits. Editor X told us a story about receiving a package from a friend when her daughter was around 16 months old. In the package was a purple jelly vibrator and one of those vibrating rubber duckies. After opening the package, Mrs. X left the room briefly and returned to find her daughter "gleefully gumming" the jelly vibe. A couple of weeks later, the toddler found the duckie and was delighted to discover it "swam" in the bathtub. Mother was forced to surrender her toy to daughter, who enjoyed it in her bath for the next few years.
Another editor said she had a "friend" (likely story) whose dog swallowed her ben wa balls and had to have them surgically removed, prompting a vet to scold her about giving her pet such small objects to play with. The stories are coming fast and furious now. Stay tuned for more.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


It must have been our brothers to the north who gave us "beaver" as a term for our quims. It's not so bad, really, if you don't picture a young Jerry Mather's moony little face or the whole lumbering, hardworking, buck-toothed, tree-gnawing rodent. However, the beaver does have a gorgeous pelt, warm, plush and luxurious, so it’s not an entirely disparaging term. And it does give "eager beaver" a whole new meaning.
For more essays on words for your southerly regions, check out Twatchmacallit columns in Lady Jaided magazine.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Feminine Protection

The New York Times has a wonderfully sensitive and thoughtful essay today inspired by the excellent movie Juno. In the essay, Caitlin Flanagan explores the effects of pregnancy on underage women and ponders how we can protect our girls from the traumas of accidental pregnancy while still protecting their rights. She poses this question: "Does the full enfranchisement of girls depend on their being sexually liberated? And if it does, can we somehow change or diminish among the very young the trauma of pregnancy, the occasional result of even safe sex? "

It's an important question. No matter how much the world changes, pregnancy will always weigh more heavily on females than males. When a woman is pregnant, everyone knows. She can't run away from it. Even if she chooses to have an abortion, it is a frightening, heartwrenching procedure and the emotional pain never entirely heals for many. The same is true for adoption. So how do we protect our young women without taking away the liberty we grant their male peers?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Empress on the Mount

Ms. Empress:
I read your advice to the woman whose bf talks to his penis, but have you ever heard of a guy who talks to his lover’s fa-fa? Yes, he calls my muff Gina, which I don’t really mind. Sort of a nice name for it, don’t you think? And believe it or not, it can be a real turn-on when he asks my Gina how she is and whether she likes what he’s doing or maybe might like it harder or faster, dirtier, that sort of thing. But now he’s starting to direct comments to Gina sometimes when we’re not being intimate. I’m thrilled he loves that part of me, but this seems a bit extreme. What do you think?

Um … I have to ask, does he order Gina a Caesar salad when you go out for a meal? I own to a smidge of concern that he’s trying to chat with your genitals other than when you’re indulging in some carnal cavorting. The next time Gina is included in the conversation and you deem it inappropriate, tell your partner that it makes you uncomfortable. If he doesn’t listen, wave a meat cleaver in front of his crotch and ask if ‘Little Petey’ (or Horace or Tarquin or whatever name you prefer for his dick) would like to play.
That should get the message across. Of course, he might also run screaming but then, do you really want a guy who’s likely to have a deep and meaningful with your vagina when your mum drops by …

For more pearls of wisdom from the Empress, read her column in Lady Jaided magazine.

Monday, January 7, 2008

The Female Condom Reconsidered

They've redesigned the female condom in an effort to make it less unsightly, uncomfortable and difficult to use. The old model had a ring on both ends, which gave it all the cervix-pinching, penis-poking pain of a diaphragm. For the full visual impact of just how torturous this device is to insert and wear, check out the directions here. The new, improved model doesn't look much improved except for the fact that they did remove that awful internal ring and make it from softer, thinner material so you don't feel quite as much like you're stuffing a Baggie attached to a Tupperware lid up there. You can see it here.
Pregnancy rates are slightly higher for couples using female condoms than for those using male condoms. Still, being a barrier, it probably does provide some as yet undocumented protection from STDs for women whose partners refuse to take responsibility for such things.
Public health officials were hoping the female condom would help slow the spread of the AIDS epidemic among women in developing countries, but several factors are still working against it, not the least of which is a much higher cost for female condoms than male condoms. The only place they have really seen much use is among prostitutes. It's a start. We're glad to see that at least our sisters who work in the sex industry have another option for protecting themselves, however feeble it may be.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

It's the NEW YEAR

Yep, we've made it to 2008, quims and all. In one piece, I hope.

Last year was interesting, informative and we all learned more about our quims than we thought possible - including all us quiminologists here at the lab. (Many of us would like to have done a bit more research in the field...someplace like Aruba or Curacao, but that's neither here nor there.)

So now it's time to look ahead, yank our thong wedgie out of our butts and stand tall to face new challenges. Whatever they are. Most of us here feel wearing a thong is challenge enough. The heck with visible panty lines.

But before we ring down the curtain on 2007, we thought it would be nice to share a few moments from our holiday festivities. Of course, we couldn't actually post PICTURES from the parties, since those mysteriously got deleted from our lab computers. (Thank God.) BUT we did find a video that will pretty much cover the entire holiday week. Just imagine a room full of people doing these dances - and also keep in mind that if you're over 21 YOU'VE probably done a lot of 'em too. Doesn't have a darn thing to do with quims this week, but a good laugh is a good laugh.

Happy New Year everyone,

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Lust Puppet

Okay, enough with the cute kitty pix. The yummy Jake Gordon is one of Ellora's Cave's newest Cavemen. A male revue dancer, he describes himself as a puppet for women's lust and says he loves women and considers them works of art. It's a damn good line. See more of Jake in the January issue of Lady Jaided emagazine.