Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Trick or Treat? Uh, make that treat please

And what better treat than the oh-so-yummy Niko. Model and dancer, Niko's a potent as dark chocolate and as sweet as cotton candy.

No, he wouldn't fit into my Halloween candy bag, but I'm pretty sure most of us could find somewhere he'd fit. Happy Halloween. May you collect many treats:)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Pants on Fire

Sadly, we have pretty much come to expect our politicians to lie to us repeatedly and with a straight face. It's sad on so many levels, but at least adults know better than to look to politicians to set an example for moral leadership. We look to the clergy for that, right?

Uh, well, it seems increasingly apparent that's not such a good idea either. Monsignor Tommaso Stenico, a Vatican official and a psychoanalyst, was recently caught by a hidden camera making advances to a young man and telling him that gay sex was not sinful. Stenico said he is not gay, though he admitted to frequenting online gay chat rooms and pretending to be gay. His reason? He was actually researching homosexual activity that damages the image of the Church. He did not explain why he needed to lie for his research instead of simply observing and asking questions.

Okay, so let us get this straight. A priest, whose church says homosexuality is wrong tells a young man that it is not wrong, though he tells the rest of us that he thinks it is wrong. Last time I looked, lying was also considered a sin. Stenico has admitted lying to someone. We just aren't entirely sure who he's lying to. It's sort of like the old conundrum where the guys says, "Everything I say is a lie." If that's true, then everything he says is true. But it can't be true because if it is true, then it's also a lie. Or something like that.

I don't care if Stenico is gay or not. That's his business. However, he has betrayed a very deep trust in his roles as a priest and a psychoanalyst. If you can't look to your priest for moral leadership or your shrink for the truth, who is left?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Oh say, can you C?

When it comes to thongs, our Quiminologists are divided. Rather like the asses of those who like wearing ‘em. (The phrase “cheese slicer” always comes to mind.) But recent research turned up some interesting developments in the world of thongs - those delightful undergarments with which we ladies cover our quims.

Thongs were, of course, designed by a bunch of drunken engineers with serious passive-aggressive issues against women. We gals would certainly choose to spend endless hours fishing bits of lace out of our butt cracks, right? There are no visible panty lines, granted, but on the whole it’s easier to leave off the panties entirely than deal with the mechanics of a thong. Especially if you’re blessed with an abundant derriere, like so many of our Quiminology staffers. (Computer Butt Syndrome.)

However, when we ran across this C-thong device (see photos below), we were all glued to our monitors. Once again, those drunken engineers have come up with an idea guaranteed to drive women to drink alongside them.

This delightful…er…thong thing is crafted with some kind of wiring, making it flexible and keeping it (allegedly) in place. Our take on this? Well, if you’re short a boomerang at any time, this would work and could possibly double as a hair band in a pinch.(No pun intended.) If you’re seriously into discomfort, this would also fit the bill. It doesn’t look like it would fit any of us. When someone suggested we get one and do more research, our staffers suddenly remembered meetings elsewhere and the room emptied in zero point two microseconds.

So overall, the vote on this little quim-protector is an emphatic NO. If anyone out there has one, do let us know if it works? Feel free to send photos and your address. We’ll send ointment for the chafed spots and a pair of soft cotton knickers.

Virtual Speed Dating

Remember speed dating, that musical chairs game for adults in the market for romance? You'd put on your best face, go to some cafe and and meet a dozen or so guys, quiz them (and be quizzed) for about ten minutes or so each and then decide if you wanted to get to know any of them better. It was a great if unromantic way for busy people to meet and survey the playing field. You didn't have to waste a lot of time or money with someone you knew on first sight was not for you. It was only a matter of time before someone came up with an online version. It started out as a project for a Stanford Univeristy business class. Now, it's No long questionnaires to fill out, just a few details, such as age, sex and zip code and your preferences for same. Then you can view a series of web pages and meet people on live video feed for three minutes. If you like each other, the site hooks you up. It ain't the stuff of love songs, but it might just work.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


We've been so serious this week, I figured it was time for something fun. Sahara's off someplace in a feathered hat, so I've reached into my quiminology files to bring out a couple of my favorite quiminology terms.

Jelly Roll
There is some disagreement among musicians and the general public as to weather “jelly roll” refers to the male or the female sexual apparatus. However, any quim expert—or quiminologist, as we like to be called—worth her salt will tell you that jelly roll as a term for women’s genitals goes back more than a century.
“Jelly” has been used to refer to semen for even longer—at least back to the early 1600s—and if you’ve never heard a guy talking about jerking his jelly before, I’ll bet you can figure out what it means right quick.
The likewise aptly descriptive “jelly bag” refers to the scrotum. Jelly roll came to have a broader and more confusing meaning in the late 1800s and early 1900s, when blues singers and others used it to mean just about anything related to sex and the southerly anatomy of either sex. More recent lyricists seem to think of it more as a penis than a vulva.
The look of the actual object may be at least partially responsible for the confusion. A jelly roll is a log-shaped confection made of a thin sponge cake smeared with jelly and sometimes cream, then rolled into a very male-looking cylinder and finally sliced into a very female-looking circle with a creamy, jelly-filled center. Either way, it’s a yummy image, and we don’t have to think up our own sentences for examples. Popular music is filled with them: “Come over here, baby and put the jelly in my jelly roll.”

Honey Pot
If you can get past the initial image of Winnie the Pooh sticking his finger in a clay jar, the idea of your foo-foo as a honey pot is actually quite lovely. The term in this capacity was obviously coined by someone with a huge affection for women and their vaginal secretions. Honey is thick and sweet and golden—even precious in some times and places. It’s an appetizing term and still earthy enough to avoid the air of some goody-two-shoes euphemism. Let’s try it in a sentence: "If you give me a bite of your cannoli, I’ll let you taste my honey pot." That should do the trick. What healthy heterosexual man would turn down an offer like that?

For more quiminological terms, read the Twatchamacallit column in our emagazine, Lady Jaided.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Who's Raising the Children?

The United Nations published figures on international trends in maternity leave benefits as of 2005. Guess who pretty much ranks dead last in guaranteed time off with pay? The United States, with Australia a close second. Many African countries offer three months or more leave with full pay. Brazil gives 120 days. Vietnam gives four to six months, Spain guarantees 16 weeks, Norway gives A FULL YEAR. Croatia gives 45 days before delivery and a full year after. Those are just the figures for 100% wages. The pay is generally shouldered partly by the employer and partly by the government. Lots of other countries offer at least a portion of pay guaranteed for leave, including Canada, which gives 17-18 weeks at 55% pay, paid by insurance. Australia gives 52 weeks with no pay, and US comes in at 12 weeks with no pay. Countries that do not help women care for their children are risking the health (physical and mental), safety, and wellbeing of, not just the children and their parents, but of the nation itself. It is in everyone's best interests to make sure children have the care, love and nurturing they need in their first year of life.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Girls for Sale

Imagine being engaged when you're three years old to a cousin picked by your parents who are basically giving you as a gift to his family. That's what's happening to a little girl named Sunam and many more young girls in Afghanistan, according to a recent Associated Press story. The article sites UNICEF statistics that say 16 percent of Afghan children are married younger than age 15, even though the legal minimum age is 16 for girls and 18 for boys. Many of these arranged marriages are little more than legalized selling of girls to the grooms' families, who pay a "bride price," which basically makes the girls the property of their husbands and in-laws, opening the way for abuse. If the marriage turns out to be loveless or worse, the girl is trapped for the rest of her life, though the husband can take an additional wife.
Fortunately, some rights groups are working to change the custom and enforce existing laws, including Medica Mondiale and Women for Afghan Women, both of whom could use our help.

Friday, October 19, 2007

One Born Every Minute

If a guy comes up to you at a bar or the mall or casino and tells you he's a doctor or lawyer or big-time real estate investor, he should not need to bum money from you, especially not several hundred dollars. A guy who can get through med school or law school usually knows how to put his wallet in his pants before leaving the house, and if he loses it, the last thing on his mind will be going to the mall with you and buying expensive clothes, watches and jewelry.

Jordan Gann was caught this week in Tampa, Florida, after years of scamming women in several states out of thousands of dollars. His twin bro, Simon, whom police suspect of making money the same way, is still at large. His latest victim met him in Orlando and took him home with her to Tampa, where she and her friend bought him $1,000 worth of CDs, clothes, meals and even a cell phone after he told them he had forgotten his credit cards. He had told them he was a doctor who had become rich selling his cancer research to a drug company.

Yeah, this guy's a jerk, and I hope he has to pay full restitution to his victims. I also hope his victims wise up after this. If a guy bums money from you as soon as you meet him, run the other way--no matter how cute he is or how good his reason seems to be.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Off Topic: EC Seeks More African-American models

Ellora's Cave is seeking African-American models, both women and men. Experience is nice, but not required. Interested parties can send their portfolio to:

Darrell King c/o Ellora's Cave
1056 Home Ave.
Akron, OH 44310

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Okay, I know this is a pretty feeble picture, but we can't show a picture of the actual subject of this post.
Since we're talking about surgical alterations today, here's a new one, and it's about women's pleasure, not attractiveness. Author Ashlyn Chase just sent this article in Self magazine about a new surgery to plump up your g-spot. Supposedly, it makes your g-spot easier to find and stimulate and more sensitive for about four months. One woman who had it said she gets aroused during spinning class, yoga and even driving down bumpy roads. Okay, so lemme get this straight: Men get a little blue pill they can take whenever they want to get it up. Women get a surgical injection that costs almost $2,000, lasts four months. Ladies, we definitely need more women in med school.

Would you have this procedure?

Before you decide, it's a good idea to read the rest of the article, in which the author of the article, Jennifer Wolff, reports that the doctor who invented and is pushing this surgery through his Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute has had malpractice complaints lodged against him for disfiguring women who went to him for labia reduction and vagina tightening. She then goes on to explore the increase in surgeries to reduce labia with often tragic results. Kudos to Ms. Wolff and to Self for exploring the whole issue thoroughly.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

misogyny hits a record low

Flat-chested women can get free boob implants if the price is right. While the procedure costs nothing in dollars (if you're lucky), it could cost you a fortune in self-esteem...

Over at there are 10,000+ male benefactors ready and waiting to donate to your impending surgery. The catch? You are required to form an online show and tell relationship with the donors, sending them intimate photos of yourself in order to raise their libidos and open their wallets.

The scary part is that over 1000 women have joined this sickening farce. To me, this is tantamount to a website that helps African-Americans raise "skin bleaching" donations from horny Caucasians. After all, once upon a time more African-Americans than not believed that lighter skin was better skin. Apparently when that terror tactic quit working, society turned its sights to breasts.

But hey, it's not just men being the dicks, chicas. For instance, British model Jordan (pictured) told Now magazine last year that she can't understand how men can be attracted to women with small breasts. I, OTOH, can't understand how men can be attracted to women whose boobs are so blatantly fake. After all, when women like that walk by there is always an uncomfortable silence and/or looking away. It's not envy, guys and gals. It's called embarrassment.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Perfume - or The Scent of a Woman

(Our Quiminologists get double points for using no less than two movie titles in one line!) Yes, ladies, we smell. No matter how much we bathe, powder, spritz and spray, we still possess a unique fragrance all our own. Our personal Eau de Quim. Is it pheromones? Possibly. Our scientists didn’t go that far into the research, but what they did uncover is fascinating.

Studies in mice have shown a “vomeronasal organ” which results in a mouse going nutso when he finds his mate. And it’s all based on smell (and explains why there are so many damn mice around). Whether humans can react as strongly to the “right” scent is still up for debate, but we uncovered one interesting piece of data from the journal “Ethology”. (Yes, we looked it up. It means “a branch of knowledge dealing with human character and with its formation and evolution”. Make a note. There’ll be a quiz later).

During a woman’s most fertile days, her personal odor is judged to be “pleasant” to a male. The same woman, when not fertile, was judged “not pleasant”. We assume those conducting this study were too polite to use the word “Bleeecchhhh”. And guys, you’re not off the hook here. The same study showed that fertile women found the aroma of a dominant man’s armpits very sexually appealing during ovulation. Now, since the men were asked to assess themselves in terms of how dominant they felt, our Quiminologists tend to view these results with a little skepticism. After all, we can’t imagine too many men saying “Actually, I feel like a wuss, today. Leave me out.”

So next time you reach for those fragrance products, ask yourself if you really want to hide your unique signature aroma. Does your partner deserve a nasal-stinging whiff of exotic flowers from a tropical garden, or would he prefer the warm sexy scent of his woman’s quim? We’ll leave it to you to decide…

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Empress on the Mount

Exalted One:
I met a man on the internet and we have fallen in love. Now he wants to meet and I’m in a panic. I sent him a 15-year-old picture of myself, from when I was much slimmer and better looking. I’ve told him my real age but the years have not been kind to me and I look almost nothing like that picture. I don’t want to lose this man but I’m afraid if he sees the way I look now, he won’t want anything to do with me. I would just stall him until I could get liposuction and a facelift but it turns out that costs a lot of money. My question is this: Could you loan me $79,000?
—Your Devoted Fan


For more pearls of wisdom from Her High Unholiness, visit her column in Lady Jaided emagazine.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Alpha with all Caps

There's something about a shirtless hunk in dark glasses that gets a gal's motor racing. This fine fellow is Jamo Nessar.

Jamo is a IFBB Pro Bodybuilder. Orignally from Algeria, Jamo has circled the globe and now lives in LA.

Much more that merely glorious muscle (and he has that in spades), Jamo speaks French, English and Arabic and holds a degree in science and biology. He holds to what he calls a simple philisophy - namely "What you see is what you get".

Woo hoooo! Can I get that to go?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Have you seen this pedophile?

Interpol sought public help Monday in identifying a suspected pedophile, revealing a technique to unscramble digitally altered images to show the face of a man seen in Internet photos sexually abusing young boys in Vietnam and Cambodia...

Click here for the full story.

Pajama Party

If you like our logo and these wonderful comics by John Lustig, check out his website for more.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Fashion Police Strike Again

Those prudish folks at Southwest Airlines have struck again. This time they made Joe Winiecki turn his t-shirt (pictured above) inside out. This is the same airline that apologized recently for giving Hooters waitress Kayla Ebbers a hard time for wearing an outfit that left very little of her anatomy to the imagination. Is it offensive? Maybe to some people. Frankly, I wouldn't be thrilled to see him galumping toward the seat next to me in a shirt like that. But I'm not thrilled to sit next to a lot of people in airplanes, including poorly behaved children and their parents, guys who hog the arm rest, and especially people who emit various odors from their bodies or the food they bring onboard.

Flying is a often a crowded, unpleasant and tiresome business. If you're gonna fly, you just have to suck it up and accept the fact that not everyone shares your tender sensibilities. It's the price of being in the public realm. Airlines need to concern themselves with making flights as safe and comfortable as possible and not worry about how people are dressed.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Empress on the Mount

Why We Love Bad Boys

Dear Empress:
Why are bad boys such a turn-on? I’ve been dating a perfectly nice man with a good job and decent social and sexual skills. I’m bored senseless with him. He has an artist friend who’s moody, drinks to excess and constantly mooches cigarettes, money and meals. When he turns his stormy eyes on me, I want to jump his bones. Why can’t I get the same spark from the good guy? And don’t just tell me I’m a dumb bitch. A lot of my female friends feel the same way.
—Glutton for Punishment

I wouldn’t dream of JUST telling you you’re a dumb bitch. You’re also an infantile dweeb, moron and idiot. In your case, familiarity doesn’t only breed contempt, it also breeds arrant stupidity. Of course the artist is appealing, we never want what we already have. By all means, dump the nice guy (after all, he deserves MUCH better than you) and go for the artist. I’m sure you’ll find the alcoholic leech is an unselfish superman in bed, always pays his way and can be relied upon when you need him. You two deserve each other.

For more pearls of wisdom from Her Testiness, read her column at Lady Jaided magazine.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Thomas vs. Hill Round 2

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has reopened an old national wound with allegations in his new book that Anita Hill not only made up all those icky stories about his sexual harassment of her, but that she was a mediocre employee at best who pursued him. He dredges up old charges that she was a pawn used by the left in an attempt to block his confirmation to the Supreme Court.

Ms. Hill wrote something of a rebuttal in the New York Times but I found Ann Woolner's essay in to be one of the most empathic (to both parties) and well-reasoned reflections on who is probably telling the truth. In it, she reminds us that other female employees also said Mr. Thomas sexually harassed them, even though Ms. Hill was the only one allowed to testify at the confirmation hearings. Ms. Woolner also brings up a fact that Mr. Thomas conveniently neglects to mention: Anita Hill took and passed a polygraph test. Clarence Thomas refused to take one.

Sexual harassment continues to be a huge problem in the world. Whistleblowers are often humiliated and have their reputations impugned and their professional lives damaged if not destroyed. Sixteen years later, Clarence Thomas is at the top of his profession--the man cannot climb any higher--and yet he is still trying to destroy Anita Hill. Why? I'd still like to see him take that polygraph test.

Chemical Reaction

Why some men sizzle and others fizzle
By Sarah Skilton
Animal magnetism. Love at first sight. The spark. (Sing it with me: “Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger, you may see a stranger across a crowded room…”) You know it when you feel it: chemistry, that elusive quality that makes you “click” with a man.
Why do some men bring it out in us, and others don’t? Is chemistry based purely on physical attraction, or is it something deeper and more elemental? Most importantly, is it accurate?
Several theories claim to explain the phenomena comprising instant attraction, including pheromones, body symmetry, and “love maps”: subconscious lists developed from birth, stored in our brains to paint a mental picture of our perfect mate.
In the right combination, any of the above can form a potent cocktail of attraction. The first, and most obvious, sign of attraction is triggered by sight. Gary Stollman, Ph.D., a psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, believes our attraction for particular physical traits in the opposite sex is a hardwired survival mechanism that goes back thousands of years.
“Women see men as potential suitors, protectors and providers; the reason many women are attracted to tall men, for example, is that they appear to be stronger, like they can protect you or provide you with healthy, tall children. This all occurs at the unconscious level.”
Our preferences are also influenced by the society in which we live. In modern-day America, men seek women with curves and a slim waist, whereas in earlier time periods, particularly in Europe, plump or robust attributes carried more weight — excuse the pun.
To read the rest of this article, go to Lady Jaided emagazine. It's free!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Banned Books Week

I almost forgot we're in the middle of Banned Books Week (Sept. 29-Oct. 6). It’s not every day you can stand up for freedom by reading a book. But by reading a banned or challenged book this week, you are standing up against the thought police and supporting one of our most precious freedom: the right to read and think what we choose.
First observed in 1982, Banned Books Week reminds Americans not to take this essential democratic freedom for granted. The event is sponsored by the American Booksellers Association, the American Booksellers Foundation for Free Expression, the American Library Association (ALA), the Association of American Publishers, the American Society of Journalists and Authors and the National Association of College Stores. It is endorsed by the Library of Congress Center for the Book.
Half of the challenges were based on sexual explicitness or the use of “offensive language.” According to the ALA’s Office for Intellectual Freedom, of the 6,364 challenges to books in the decade from 1990-2000, 1,607 were based on “sexually explicit” material, 1,427 were because of the use of “offensive language,” 842 were because of the inclusion of “Occult theme…or Satanism,” and 515 were challenged due to homosexual themes. A challenge is an attempt to remove materials from libraries or bookstores or otherwise restrict access to them, based upon the objections of a person or group. A banning is the actual removal of those materials. Among the top ten most challenged author between 1990 and 2004 are Steven King, J.K. Rowling, Maya Angelou, R.L. Stine, Judy Blume and John Steinbeck.

What's your favorite banned or challenged book?