Wednesday, February 27, 2008

What's Hot, What's Not

Go ahead, have another slice of pizza! In a poll on BuzzDash 68% of men said they like women with at least some curves while only 17% like their women skinny. The rest like an atheletic build. In another BuzzDash poll, 36% of men find blonde the least attractive hair color, followed by 29% saying red, then black hair at 25% and finally brown at only 10%. As for the ladies, they prefer bald men to fat ones, and one survey found 52% of women own at least one vibrator and an additional 18% want one but don't have one yet. Only 30% don't have or want one. When it comes to what men and women notice least about each other, women notice men's legs the least by far while men notice women's arms the least by a huge margin. Men find feisty women far hotter than delicate, pristine, edgy or mysterious ones while women find rugged and relaxed men hotter than polished or daring ones. So let's summarize. At least by BuzzDash males' standards, the most attractive woman has brown hair, plenty of curves and a feisty personality. I'll be back after I dye my hair and order a pizza--with extra cheese. And I'm going to raise hell if the delivery boy doesn't get it here fast!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sexual Healing

Turns out one of the oldest excuses for not having sex might be a reason to do just that. Web MD reports on new research indicating that sex can relieve migraine headache pain. Apparently lowered levels of serotonin accompany migraine headaches and guess what increases your serotonin level? That's right, sexual arousal and orgasm. Maybe that's why young adults who have migraines report having 20% higher sexual desire than similar adults who have non-migraine headaches. Low serotonin is also associated with PMS, depression, sleep disorders and fibromyalgia, so, ladies, start your vibrators!

Of course, it seems for every piece of research you read with good news, there's a corresponding one with bad news. Other studies have indicated that sex actually triggers migraines for 5%-10% of people who have them.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Three's No Crowd

Urban Dictionary's most favored definition of a tri-sexual is someone who will try anything sexual. Other creative definitions named such triads as plants, animals and machines or men, women and tricycles. We prefer thinking of tri-sexuals as people who like threesomes, especially women who like being the filling in a man sandwich. Urban Dictionary seems especially fond of sexual threesomes with additional definitions for tri-curious, tri-tit, tri-boob, tri-pie and --our favorite--tri-gasm.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Handy Dandy Dildo Storage

Author Ashlyn Chase alerted us to the hysterical website of a very special gadget guru gal. The Dildo Diva has ingeniously solved all your sex-toy storage needs with a variety common household items. Pictured at right is her spice rack solution for saving space while displaying dildoes in a convenient and attractive way. She's got loads of funny before and after pictures featuring tool belts, shoe organizers, tackle boxes and lots more. Martha Stewart could do a whole show with the Dildo Diva and her partners at Homemade Sex Toys, a related site that gives instructions for people who are too embarassed or cheap to buy sex toys. The ones for women are pretty funny, but the best one is an item men can make from pvc pipe to give themselves a blowjob.

Monday, February 18, 2008

30-Day Sex Challenge

Believe it or not, a church is telling its members they need to have more sex. Lots more sex, but only if they're married. The Relevant Church in Tampa, Florida, has issued a 30-day sex challenge to its congregation and other interested couples. The church invites married couples to pledge to have sex every day for 30 days and nonmarried couples to pledge to abstain from sex for 30 days while learning to enhance their intimacy and communication. "We believe this challenge will not only improve sex lives, but it will strengthen relationships," says the church's website. Sounds like they might have a point. You can download the entire challenge on the church's blog.

The challenge emphasizes communication, emotional intimacy and mutual satisfaction. It includes an explanation of 10 emotional needs everyone in a committed relationship needs to make it successful and a journal for every day of the challenge with questions to answer and share with your partner. Needs cover a range from the need for affection and sexual fulfillment to domestic support and even retaining your attractiveness through fitness and hygiene.

For married couples, the questions ask things like, "What about your sexual relationship do you find the hardest to discuss?" and "Everyone has expectations for the 'after sex moment.' What would you like from your spouse after sex?" For singles, questions include, "What scares you the most about marriage? What was the best or worst thing about your parents' marriage?" The questions get more and more personal a revelatory as the challenge progresses. After reading through the whole thing, I'd have to say that any couple who takes up the challenge in a serious and caring way will have a much closer and more fulfilling relationship. This is the sort of guidance churches should be doing more.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Killing the Valentine Blues

Is there any holiday that sucks the blood out of a woman's pride faster than Valentine's Day? Doesn't matter if you're single or attached. Doesn’t matter if you look like a Victoria’s Secret model and are perfectly happy with your partner or lack of one. One way or another, that chubby little winged bastard is gonna try to make you feel pathetic come Valentine’s Day.

If you’re single, your friends will look at you with pity and try not to brag about romantic dinners eaten and expensive baubles received. Coworkers will be patronizingly sympathetic and offer you a chocolate from their humongous red-velvet, heart-shaped box of candy. Maudlin ads and romantic television shows will tell you that everyone except for you is madly, passionately in love with the perfect lover who anticipates her every wish and grants it lavishly.

If you’re married or in a relationship, your friends will ask what your partner did for you and try not to purse their lips disapprovingly when you tell them you got a cheap stuffed animal or a half-dead, plastic-wrapped rose from the drugstore, and a burrito dinner at the neighborhood taco stand (with extra cheese!). When your coworkers hear about it, they’ll laugh out loud and make sure it gets on the office blog.

Either way, you’re screwed. Oh, I know, lots of women out there are thinking, What’s she talking about? I get jewelry, a romantic dinner and 14 orgasms every Valentine’s Day. I’m happy for you. I really am. You probably don’t need to read this unless you just want to feel superior and laugh at the rest of us—which can be fun—but I’m talking to the other 95 percent of women.

I say, slay that little bare-assed, heart-stomping Valentine vampire before he kills your self-respect. Here’s how:

Regardless of how many friends and lovers you may have, it’s important to be a good friend and lover to yourself. At no time is this more important than on Valentine’s Day. Like any good lover, you will need to work to please and delight that supremely gorgeous and fantastic creature that is you, wonderful you.

First, ask yourself if there’s anything in particular you’ve been yearning for but refuse to buy because it’s too frivolous. An emerald bracelet? A silk robe or cashmere sweater? French perfume? Be as extravagant as you can afford to, but don’t put yourself in the poor house for your Valentine gift. Do make it something sensual and frivolous, though, even if it’s just a token bauble, like a new pair of earrings.

Next, send flowers to yourself. Again, this could be a huge display of rare beauty or a single red rose. Sign the card something like, Happy Valentine’s Day from a secret admirer who loves you the most. You are one hot, gorgeous hunk of womanflesh! Don’t say anything, and don’t answer any questions. Just blush and shrug whenever anyone asks about it.

Buy some chocolate—again, anything from a bag of Hershey’s Kisses to a box of Belgium’s finest. Save some to take to work and give away after V-Day.

If you can afford it, get a masseuse to come to your house and give you a massage, or go to a salon and get a manicure and pedicure. Otherwise, take a luxurious bath and give yourself a pedicure.

Whether you can afford it or not, get yourself a new sex toy — anything from a vibrator to an erotic book or DVD. No tearjerkers allowed. Only hot, happy stuff that doesn’t make you think too much.

Treat yourself to take-out from your favorite restaurant or, if you love to cook, make your favorite dish. Don’t forget to have something special to drink. Doesn’t have to be alcohol, though I like a good bottle of wine when I’m wooing myself.

I don’t think I need to tell you what to do from there. If you prepare properly, you’ll have a truly enjoyable Valentine’s Day, with or without a lover, and will awake the next day relaxed, refreshed, and satisfied.

And you’re safe from that cute little blood-sucking Valentine vampire for another year.

--By Buffy the Valentine Slayer

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


The Sophisticated Vulva
There's something quite lovely and refined about the word "vulva." It has a sensual, civilized sound, evoking images of soft, velvety, luxurious textures. It's not a nasty word that schoolboys repeat with snickering leers. And yet it doesn't have the clinical sound of "vagina". It's a grown-up word that rolls off the tongue smoothly and sounds especially nice when whispered in your ear by a gentleman in a tuxedo. With a V at both ends, it even calls for a visual image of the thing it represents. Picture George Clooney nibbling your shoulder, slipping a hand up your skirt, and murmuring this: “Paris was awful without you, my love. Everything—the incredible food and wine, the crazy, sexy romance of the place—reminded me of you and your delicious vulva.” Our most wonderful designer, Marshmallow, chose a Georgia O'Keefe painting to go with this entry because she felt "vulva" was a word Georgia might have used. For more vulvular terms, check out Lady Jaided's Twatchamacallit columns.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Men at Play

Ellora's Cave author Kaenar Langford recently visited a gay men's bath house in Toronto called Spa Excess to do some research for an upcoming book. Check out what she saw here.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Empress on the Mount

Dear Empress:
My honey is a little bit dense in the lovemaking department. He doesn’t seem to understand hints about what I want him to do when we’re having sex. Nudging, pushing, prodding, moaning, even placing his hand or head where I want it all seem to fail to give him the picture. I have to tell him very specifically what I want. It takes the romance out of lovemaking for me but I’m willing to try if it will make sex more satisfying. My problem is that I just don’t have a word for my, uh, nether regions that I like to use. They all seem so icky or clinical or silly. What word do you use for yours?
Miss Muffet

OK, so let me see if I have this straight. You have a partner who can only find his dick because it’s attached and you’re worrying about what to call a body part? Please, please, please make sure you use birth control. You two simply cannot be allowed to breed.

For more pearls of wisdom from Her Ornery Eminence, see her column in Lady Jaided magazine.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Man Candy

Here's a little something to brighten your Tuesday and warm up a February day. Kevin is a dancer, an electrical engineer and a free spirit. If you want to see more of him, check out Lady Jaided's February Man Candy feature.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Geek Chic

Mean Genes by Terry Burnham and Jay Phelan cites a study of college students that found 75% of male subjects were willing to have sex when propositioned by an average-looking female experimenter. Not a single one of the female participants would do the same. Maybe if they had dressed the male experimenters up as cowboys, they might have gotten a different result.

For more sexual oddities and arcana, check out Who Knew column in Lady Jaided emag.