We know some men like to name their dicks and lots of men seem to think with them, but a group of young Ohio men has taken penile anthropomorphics to a whole new level. Meet the new mascot of a fantasy football team called The Taints. In case you travel in classier circles than we do and don't know what a taint is, it's the perineum, that bit of skin between the genitals and the anus. (as in 'taint pussy, 'taint ass) There's no word on what they named this fellow but he looks an awful lot like Ernest Borgnine to us, so we'll call him Ernie for now. We have a feeling we'll be seeing more of him in the future.